October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, a time dedicated to bringing attention to this critical issue affecting millions of people worldwide.

Domestic violence doesn’t discriminate and occurs in all kinds of relationships, but those with mental illnesses are more likely to find themselves in domestic violence situations. Here are just some stats:

• Up to 60% of women with a chronic mental illness have experienced domestic violence. (source)
• Women with an existing depressive disorder are 2.5x more likely to be domestically abused. (source)
• Exposure to domestic violence has a significant impact on children’s mental health, resulting in poorer educational outcomes and higher levels of mental health problems.(source)

Raising awareness can help victims and survivors access the support they need and educate communities on how to prevent and respond to domestic violence.

How Common is Domestic Violence?

Domestic violence is more prevalent than many people realize. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV), 1 in 4 women and 1 in 9 men will experience severe intimate partner physical violence, sexual violence, or stalking in their lifetime. Domestic violence can affect anyone, regardless of age, race, sexual orientation, or income level. On average, nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States.

Signs of Domestic Violence

Domestic violence is not always obvious. It can be subtle and take many forms, including:

Emotional manipulation: Your partner constantly criticizes, humiliates, or controls your behavior. They may sometimes gaslight you, making you believe what you saw, said, or experienced isn’t what happened.

Financial control: They limit your access to money or financial resources, preventing independence. This could look like them pressuring you to quit your job, not letting you go to work, holding sole control over shared bank accounts, and analyzing and/or questioning your purchases in an unhealthy way.

Isolation: They may prevent you from talking to or seeing friends or family, cutting you off from support networks. This often happens slowly with one or two people, and then can grow to limit your interaction with your entire social support system.

Excessive jealousy: They frequently accuse you of cheating or monitor your movements in person, online, and on your phone. They may pick fights over completely innocent interactions with friends, coworkers, or people in public. 

Physical signs: This can include hitting, shoving, throwing things, or driving erratically when you’re in the car. Unexplained injuries such as bruises, broken bones, or frequent “accidents” may be a sign that someone you care about is experiencing abuse. 

Threats: They threaten to harm you, your children, your pets, or themselves if you leave or don’t comply with their demands.

If you or someone you know is experiencing any of these signs, it may be an indicator of domestic violence.

How to Help Someone Experiencing Domestic Violence

Helping a friend or loved one who is in an abusive relationship can be challenging. It’s important to offer support without judgment or pressure. Here are some ways to help:

Listen and believe: If someone confides in you, listen without interrupting or doubting their story. Validate their feelings by saying, “I believe you,” and, “You don’t deserve this.” Remind them that everyone deserves to feel safe and respected in their relationship.

Avoid judgment: It’s not uncommon for people in domestic violence relationships to return to their abuser multiple times before they finally leave. Don’t judge their decisions or pressure them to act before they are ready. This can be hard, especially when you are concerned for their safety, but forcing them to act before they are ready can make them feel further isolated and may unintentionally drive them closer to their abuser.

Provide resources: Look up and share information on local shelters, domestic violence hotlines, and legal assistance that can be accessed in your community. The National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-SAFE) is free and available 24/7 for text, call, and chat support.

Offer practical support: Help them develop a safety plan, such as packing an emergency bag with important documents and medications or helping them find a safe place to stay. If you can, accompany them to legal appointments, help them with small bills, or offer to take care of their children and/or pets.

What NOT to Say to Someone Experiencing Domestic Violence

When speaking to someone in an abusive relationship, your words can have a significant impact. Even when we have the best intentions, we can sometimes say something that is more harmful than helpful. Here are some things to avoid:

“Why don’t you just leave?”
Leaving an abusive relationship is often complex and dangerous. It takes the average person seven tries to successfully leave, as they may fear for their safety, have financial limitations, or feel emotionally trapped.

“It can’t be that bad.”
Minimizing their experience invalidates their feelings and may discourage them from seeking help. 

“You must have done something to make them mad.”
This shifts blame to the person experiencing the abuse and perpetuates the harmful narrative that it is somehow deserved. Even if a couple is fighting, everyone deserves to feel safe at all times in their relationship. 

“At least they don’t hit you.”
Emotional, psychological, and financial abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse. Instead of saying this, focus on offering understanding, empathy, and support.

Seeking Help if You Are Unsafe in Your Relationship

If you are in an abusive relationship, it is crucial to prioritize your safety. Here are some steps you can take:

1. Create a safety plan: Think about where you can go in case of an emergency, how you will get there, and what you need to bring with you. Keep important documents, money, and essential items in a safe place.

2. Reach out for support: Whether it’s a trusted friend, family member, or professional, having a support system can make a difference. It’s okay to talk about how you are feeling.

3. Use domestic violence resources: Hotlines like the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-SAFE) provide confidential help. Many local organizations offer hotlines, shelters, legal assistance, counseling, and other advocacy to help you get safe.

4. Consider a protective order: If you feel unsafe, legal measures such as restraining orders can provide some protection from your abuser. Depending on where you live, these services can be free or have a reduced price based on your income or situation, so don’t let financial concerns keep you from looking into these options. 

Breaking the Silence and Reducing Stigma

Domestic violence thrives in silence. By raising awareness, offering support, and removing stigma, we can create safer spaces for victims and survivors. Remember, domestic violence is never okay. By educating ourselves and others, we can build a society where everyone can feel empowered to seek help, and abusers are held accountable.

Domestic Violence Awareness Month is a reminder that we must remain vigilant, compassionate, and supportive to those affected by domestic violence—not just in October, but every day. 

Need support? Call, text, or chat with the National Domestic Violence Hotline now.